Should I live inside the womb or outside of the womb? -Insight from quarantine.

As my last article I had to be in 14 days quarantine at the 36th floor of Hilton Sydney. I really enjoyed whole stay. I came back to Cairns safely and go back to normal life now. The quarantine provided me interesting insight that I would like to share.

During the quarantine I felt like I lived inside the womb. I was protected from any danger and distraction. I was alone in the room that had same condition every day. The room temperature was set to 22 degree by the hotel with sealed windows. Nothing came in or out. There was no stimulation or change. I was calm and peaceful all the time without any stress. Because I accepted as it was from the beginning of the stay to the end. All meals were provided. I enjoyed the opportunity that someone cook for me. I was looking forward every meal like kid who is waiting for mum’s meal. It did not matter what they were. I did not judge them.

To accept as it is without judgement leads me to appreciation. That kept me being happy throughout the quarantine.

When the quarantine finished, I went to Sydney airport straight from the hotel without seeing a few people. As soon as I arrived at the airport, I saw many people. I was very excited to be just surrounded by people. Even this was quite big stimulation for me. In the airplane I sat next to the boy about 3 years old with his mum. I did not have any intention to watch them but everything that they were doing came into my eyes. As soon as they sat on the seats his mum set up the tablet in front of him to show Disney movie and gave him apple juice with big lolly pop before taking off. He asked mum to change the movie before taking off too. After taking off she offered him different juice and changed to different movie again. Then she gave him the box of tic tac and he ate them all. I was thinking “Oh my god, mum is giving him too much sugar and changing the movies so often. When he will start going to school how he can focus. I even feel sorry for the teachers. “. Suddenly I realised that I absorbed so much information from my sensory organs and reacted the things that happened around me without consciousness. Even though that family did not do anything to me directly I was affected by them. The outside world does not do anything to me. My reaction creates a lot of the fluctuation in my mind. I was just sitting in the airplane, but I felt like as if I were riding the roller-coaster. Because I had nothing to react around me during last 14 days. This happened in just 2 hours of my flight and by watching only one boy and his mum. Can you imagine how much staff we absorb into our head and create fluctuation in our mind by reacting something meaningless in one day. Probably our life is too busy to notice this happens. We just keep piling all of them inside us. Our head and mind are getting overflow.

After this experience, I really understand why it is important to do the meditation. We need to stop overflow by absorbing. When we do the meditation, we sit down and close eyes. And we focus to observe inside ourselves without reacting. As we have a shower to clean our body and wash the clothes, we need to do meditation to clean our mind. I think 14 days of the quarantine was like long meditation for me.

When I arrived at Cairns airport in the morning, it was cloudy and drizzling. But I did not care if it is sunny day or rainy day. I was just happy to see the sky above me and enjoyed the grey and white colour with slight light. I felt the moisture from the air by my skin and I smelled the rain from my nose. What a fantastic feeling!! I was enjoying all sensation from my whole body. I appreciated to feel as it was.

Just after a few days later I was having conversation with my husband in the morning. “It doesn’t look good weather today”. We were just looking outside from the window. Suddenly I realised that I did not go outside to feel the weather like I did at the airport. I just looked outside of the window and judged the weather is “Good or bad”. Where is the sensation? Where is the appreciation? The weather at the airport and that day was quite similar. Deference is just my attitude. There are no such good weather or bad weather either. All weather is perfect for the nature anyway. I simply missed the chance to feel the sensation by my whole body or discover the delicacy from it.

Few days later I saw totally opposite attitude to this. I was watching friend’s child in our garden. He is one year and 7 months. He encountered our front stairs with 3 steps. He looked back to mum to check if he is ok to climb up. He did not say or judge it is too high for me to climb or I am too small. He climbed up to the top and When he came down and just about to reach to the bottom he fell over to the ground. He cried very short while and tried again. Second time he came down successfully. He looked so proud of himself. I saw the bright sprinkle in his eyes. He experienced by his tiny body to explore his limit. He definitely “enjoys” each single moment. When we are used to the world around us, we stop experience with fresh mind and the body like him. If I go to feel weather before I judge it I enjoy all sensation. If we do the yoga pose without using the props like normally, we do before judging I am stiff, we might explore our limit. If we eat something that we don’t like Instead of saying I hate this vegetable, we might be surprised by new taste. According to Cambridge dictionary “enjoy” means “To feel happy because of doing or experiencing.” Let’s do and experience more then we will be happier.

I wrote up to here. It looks like living inside the womb sounds not too bad. I was comfortable, I was happy because I accepted and appreciated everything, I did not need to react something around me and so on. I am questioning to me “Should I live inside the womb or outside of the womb”?

I used telephone and video call to contact with my family and friends. I was really amazed modern technology. But when I saw my family, restarted teaching yoga, talked to the friend directly, cooked dinner and eat with family I could see their expression on their face, hear the voice, smell the sent and feel their energy from my all senses at same time. When I stepped on the ground in my garden, I could see the sky above me, hear the bird’s sound, smell the wind same time. Just being with people and the nature made me much happier than I expected. I felt like something touched to my all cells. That is the JOY of living. I did not realise how special to have this direct contact with real life. The biggest difference between inside the womb and outside is this direct connection. During quarantine I was happy, but I did not feel this joy. By having this direct connection, I recognise that I am the part of people, the world, the nature and universe. I think this is the dynamism of living in this real world.

My answer to that question was I definitely choose to live outside of the womb. I found living outside of the womb is more challenging. Because everything with life is different and changing. But being with them make us learn , grow and understand each other. Then we become more conscious and compassionate human being.

I felt I was reborn on the date the quarantine finished. The bonus from this second birth is I remembered everything inside the womb. I will maintain the attitude during quarantine and start enjoy each single moment by do and experience with fresh mind and the body as I got new life!! This perspective is the most precious present for my second birthday.